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As ontological proof that President Donald Trump (@realdonaldtrump) is indeed a man of faith, the White House press office released these short tweets Trump fired off to God. So far, the Almighty has yet to respond. @God My ratings for The Apprentice were HUGE!!! I’m bigger than The Terminator. Thought ya might want to know. Jan 20 @God Did you see how I had a record number of religious leaders at my inaugurition? You owe me big time for that one. Score!! Jan 20 @God If I’m now God, then who are you? Jan 20 @God Usher passed me the communion plate and I put money in it. Not my fault! No one told me that was your son’s body ‘n blood. Not sorry!! Jan 22 @God Being God is hard. How do you do it? Jan 27 @God Is there any way you can change your day of rest so it doesn’t conflict with my golf dates? Not good. Jan 29 @God Did you see me at the National Prayer Breakfast? I really hit it out of the park. Score! Feb 2 @God Just so you know, I said Two Corinthians on purpose. Nothing is ever second with me. Feb 2 @God Can you let your son know I’m going to keep up the war on Christmas. Want him to have a happy birthday. Feb 2 @God See how I have my own holy trinity-Mike Pence (Father), Jerry Falwell, Jr. (Son) and Betsy DeVos (Holy Ghost). I’m just like you. Feb 7 @God Do they serve well done steak with ketchup in heaven? Feb 27 @God When you come back, you might not want to look like a dirty hippie. It kind of sends the wrong message. Maybe look like me instead. @God Got ya Neil Gorsuch on the Supreme Court. Let’s the Dems try to abort this. Praise me! April 7 @God Did you see my executive order on religious liberty? You owe me one. May 4 @God James Comey is a rat. Why don’t you give him a tail? May 10 @God If Melania slapped my hand in public, does that mean I can stone her? May 22 @God Can you tell Melania that according to 1 Peter, I am the leader and she is to obey me? May 22 @God Did you see me at the Wailing Wall? Doing all I can to bring about your reign by hastening Armigedon. You’re welcome. May 22 @God Did you hear that I’m the best thing to happen that will bring about End Times Prophecy? I’m the best! Best! May 22 @God The Bible said we are to love our neighbors as ourselfs. Can you tell that to the Pope. He wouldn’t hold hands with me. Mean! May 25 @God Sean Spicer really wanted to meet the pope, given he’s a devout Catholic and all. But I went Old Testament on him and said NO. May 24 @God Did you see how I banned all the Muslims? Serves them right for praying to this Allah dude instead of you. Losers! So stupid. June 29 @God Thank you for giving @SenJohnMcCain brain cancer. I owe you one. Serves him right for being mean to me. Only losers get captured. Bad! July 20 @God Dontya just love how @Scaramucci “the mooch” goes all biblical on the fake media? Real clazzy. July 30 @God any way you can make @SHSanders45 look more like Eve instead of Steve? It would make it way easier on my eyes. Not nice! Aug 15 @God Have you seen my spiritual advisor, Paula White? There’s one prayerful pussy I’d like to grab. Hot!!! Aug 15 @God I don’t think Jared would mind if I got biblical with Ivanka. He’s a very loyal. Wouldn’t you agree? Aug 15 @God I mean in the Bible, you have Lot’s daughters sleeping with him. So if it’s biblical that means it’s OK right? Aug 15 @God Thank you for the orange and purple sunset. Very regal looking. You made me think of me. Aug 20 @God Did you see me looking at the eclipse without any glasses on? I didn’t see any eye damage. Bad science! Aug 21 @God Thanks for the hurricane. You did good. Sold a lot of USA hats. See how. Texas is heeling from the hurricane? People are heeling under me. August 30 @God And you did it again! Thanks for demolishing a home I was trying to unload. Keep ‘em coming. Gotta sell those hats! Thanks be to me!! September 12 This post was originally posted on The Haven https://medium.com/the-haven/trumps-tweets-to-god-8ee1e43badb4