Because experience happens so quickly, habitual responses can come out of our mouth before we know it. It helps to practice skillful responses when things are easy. That way when things are tough, our pattern is already set. It also helps to train ourselves to pause before our response. This is called the sacred pause, a moment where we stop and release our identification with problems and reactions. Without a pause our actions are automatic.
In a moment of stopping, we break the spell between past result and automatic reaction. When we pause, we can notice the actual experience, the pain or pleasure, fear or excitement. In the stillness before our habits arise, we become free.
In this pause, we can examine our intention. If we have set a long-term intention or dedication for our life, we can remember our vows. Or we can simply check our motivation. Are we trying to get even, win at any cost? Or do we want to act out of respect for ourself and others to sow seeds of understanding and courage? It is in our hands.
The power of intention is most easily visible in our speech. In conversation, we get immediate feedback, and often the response we get will reflect our intention. Before we speak, we can examine our motivation. Is our motivation one of compassion and concern for everyone? Or do we want to be right? Clarifying our intention is critical in times of difficulty. When there is difference or conflict, do we genuinely want to hear about the concerns of the other? Are we open to learn, to see?
Try this in your next argument or conflict: Take a pause. Hold everyone’s struggle in compassion. Connect with your highest intention. Whenever things get difficult, pause before you speak and sense your wisest motivation. From there, it will all flow better.