1. Buddhist

You Don't Need to be Liked

One thing that drives most of us is the need to be liked, to be wanted, to be acknowledged, to be loved.   It is in part a human need, a large part of our lives as humans involves interacting with others, but it has a grip on us all out of proportion to its inherent impact on our peace and happiness.   Why?   Because of the insecurity that inevitably takes hold of us in our early childhood and continues to be a core psychic factor for the rest of our lives.

Our insecurity is a product of our ego-mind, its reaction to our early life experiences, from the moment of birth onward.  As children we are totally dependent on our parents and family for everything that we need to exist, including what I have called the Four Basic Needs – food, freedom from pain, warmth/nurturing, physical security (see my book, The Self in No Self).

We quickly learn the importance of pleasing our parents in order to receive what we need, especially warmth/nurturing.   Love in our experience is very conditional.  And so we grow up with an almost desperate need to be liked and a willingness to do almost anything in order to obtain that.

But as we learn from Buddhist teaching, our emotional reaction to events are all a product of the ego-mind.   If one is free of the ego-mind and instead is connected to your true self, your heart, you do not experience these emotions; they’re still there because the ego-mind is always a part of you, but they no longer possess you, they don’t impact you.

Instead you come to realize and have faith that you have everything you need inside yourself to be at peace and happy.   Literally, you don’t need anything or anyone else in order to be at peace and happy.   You may need others in order to accomplish certain goals, do certain things, but not to be at peace and happy.   We develop faith, therefore, that regardless what life throws our way, we will be at peace and happy because we have returned home, and will always return home, to our true Buddha self, our heart.

Try it out.   A huge burden will be lifted from your shoulders.

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